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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150934">The Commander and his Captain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/levianderwindefdidit/pseuds/levianderwindefdidit'>levianderwindefdidit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I ship Levi with happiness, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, somebody give that man a hug fr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:16:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150934</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/levianderwindefdidit/pseuds/levianderwindefdidit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Pretty much this is just a coping mechanism for all the pain aot causes me :)</p>
<p>Basic, soft fluff, nothing crazy, just dealing w the aftermath of a rough mission in which Levi almost dies and Erwin has to face that reality.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi &amp; Erwin Smith, Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Commander and his Captain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Includes a bit of a reference to a character death in S3, just as a warning!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mission today had not gone well. As Levi watched the blank, horrified faces of younger recruits passing by, he felt the slightest twinge of relief that his own squad had made it out alive. There were no death certificates he would have to sign, no extra reports to fill out, no empty positions he would have to fill. But most importantly, there would be no family to confront him today. He had bought himself some time, given himself until the next mission before he would ever have to look a parent in the eye and tell them that their child was dead. It was that small win that was getting him through the chaos that was this afternoon. Adrenaline was still pumping through his veins, but he knew it was temporary, just a way for his body to delay the inevitable grief and anxiety he would feel as soon as the sun set. It had been years since he had joined the Survey Corps, and before that he had spent a life in the Underground. Death was not new to him, but every single one hit him the same way. He had no friends in the Scouts, he knew better than that, but the unsaddled horses of his comrades still represented a heavy loss. </p>
<p>And even he himself had almost died. This fact was not scary to him, but it did make him wonder for a brief second. About what it would be like to finally give up, to finally feel the strength flow out from his body and into the cold hard dirt. To join his comrades, his subordinates, Isabel and Furlan, his mother, and the countless others he had lost in the deep, unknowable silence. But he would only let it linger for a second before he pushed the idea away. It was pointless and got him nowhere to entertain such a foolish concept. He will die when he dies, and he will never stop fighting until he is forced to; he has no other choice. As a soldier, he committed his life, and that has become his reason for being. </p>
<p>The usual parade past dozens of townspeople, curious and angry and fearful and everything in between, felt as though it took longer than it ever had. He paid no attention to the eyes that worshipped him or to the words being yelled at him, he just kept his head focused strictly forward in the way that he had learned from Erwin. Up towards the front, he could see the back of the commander’s head and knew that he would soon be bearing the worst impacts of today’s events. Levi had never once envied his job, and especially not during times like this. A flicker of pain shook through his body and his attention turned away from his thoughts and back to reality. He was sure a rib was bruised, and the blood was still pouring from his chest from where a titan had just narrowly missed grabbing him, leaving a deep scratch as its final parting gift. Worse though, he had jumped off the back of a running Abnormal in a contorted way, and his legs had been burning ever since. In addition to the countless other minor wounds and cuts he had endured, he knew recovery would be a long and arduous process.</p>
<p>When they finally returned to headquarters, the pain had reached its full intensity. Levi grit his teeth and counted down the hours he had left before he could retreat to his quarters and get away from the demands of work. Nonetheless, he worked through the necessary paperwork with the team leaders well past sunset, well past the last light had fadest from the sky, even past when the candles they had lit were almost fully melted. It must have been close to midnight when Erwin finally called it, and dismissed them all until tomorrow, when they would resume the work they had left to complete. Collectively, they stepped out to address the shell-shocked soldiers eating in the dining hall, half-heartedly picking up bread and forcing themselves to chew because there was nothing else they could do. Levi recognized their directionless faces, he had seen them millions of times over now. It was Erwin’s speeches that had always kept them inspired, even as they struggle to rationalize the deaths of their companions. And tonight was no different. All Erwin had to do was clear his throat and hundreds of eyes would snap to attention, lifted out of their fog in a way that continued to defy logic for Levi. He had heard Erwin give some version of this speech so many times over, but the words never really lost meaning for him, even though he knew that they were mostly lies meant to temporarily keep the recruits from abandoning all hope for humanity. </p>
<p>Erwin ended his words like he always did, with a salute and the impossible demand for his soldiers to dedicate their hearts. And like they always do, the soldiers complied, standing up and giving the salute with the ferocity that one can only give on the edge of sanity. Satisfied with the response, Erwin released his salute and turned to face the squad leaders and section commanders. He thanked them for their service and wished them a peaceful sleep, words that carried more meaning than a simple goodnight in the wake of what happened. And then his eyes locked onto Levi’s. “Captain,” Erwin started. “Come to my office. I have something to discuss with you.”</p>
<p>Levi felt his heart skip a beat, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. He dismissed the thought quickly. Was that… anger in the commander’s voice? His eyes had remained calm, but there was a sharpness to his words that stuck out to Levi. Was he in trouble? He couldn’t imagine why, seeing as he had suffered no casualties among his subordinates and had managed to conserve much of his squad’s supplies. No reason to wonder, though. An order was an order, and despite the blinding pain that radiated out from his legs every time he took a step, Levi made the journey across headquarters to Erwin’s room. At one point, the commander had maintained a separate library, but soon after being promoted Erwin had requested his quarters to be converted into half of an office, and half of a bedroom, a senseless monstrosity of a living space that Levi considers to be a true testament to his insanity. </p>
<p>When he got to the door, Levi was almost panting from the pain. His chest felt like it was about to burst, and he took a moment to compose himself before knocking. He looked out the window, noting the light rain that had begun to fall. When Erwin finally opened the door, Levi had the same expression of disinterest that he always did, and maintaining the deadpan in his eyes was just as easy as ever. He walked quickly to Erwin’s desk, placed right in the center of the main room, and leaned against it for support, all the while making it look like a casual pose to show off his carelessness. “So,” he inquired. “What am I here to talk about?” </p>
<p>“You.” Erwin said, almost spitting the words out. Levi was mildly shocked to hear that, and surprised to find that the edge in his voice hurt him, but didn’t let it show when he spoke.</p>
<p>“And what does that mean? I filled out those reports perfectly.” </p>
<p>“It’s not the reports. It’s your performance today during the mission.”</p>
<p>“What about it?” Levi asked this defiantly, slightly annoyed that Erwin wouldn’t get to the point, slightly offended that Erwin could ever have a problem with his fighting. </p>
<p>“It was completely unacceptable.” Erwin almost sounded exasperated by Levi’s question.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna have to be more specific, Commander.” Levi injected as much venom as he could into Erwin’s title, fuming at the accusation that was being presented to him.</p>
<p>“You’re kidding. Don’t think I can’t see your injuries, you’re not as good as hiding them as you think. You risked your life recklessly today, which is intolerable. As humanity’s strongest soldier, you are a valuable weapon. You can’t get yourself killed in some mission. Why do I have to tell you this?” </p>
<p>“Intolerable?” Levi repeated, appalled. “You’re out of your goddamn mind, Erwin. I saved my entire squad from certain death today, you saw it with your own eyes. You should be thanking me right now for saving you from all that paperwork. It was a calculated risk and it paid off. Who gives a shit about some broken leg anyways? It’s far better than the alternative, you and I both know that.”</p>
<p>“It was a stupid risk. The Survey Corps would not have recovered from your loss, and the higher-ups at the Capital would pull back too much funding. Only an idiot would think otherwise. You don’t have the authority to make calls like that to begin with. I should have you sidelined from the next mission as a punishment, not to mention the direct disobedience you’re displaying to your superior by arguing with me.” Erwin’s was almost shouting now, but he didn’t seem to realize it. </p>
<p>Unnerved by the fury in his voice, Levi spat back “Did you hit your head on a titan’s bony ass or something? This is bullshit! You wouldn’t dare keep me out of the next mission, you'd lose the entire regiment and you know it. Why do you even care so much? I’m just as replaceable as anyone else, and those ugly nobles won’t care. You’re not making any sense. As Captain I made the call to protect my team today and I don’t regret it. I would do it again in a second, and so would any other competent squad leader.”</p>
<p>And now Erwin’s eyes were burning into his with a fiery enthusiasm. “Levi, you almost got yourself killed! Do you not see that? We all watched you charge straight into a group of Abnormals completely on your own like a fucking moron! Ask anybody and they’ll say the same thing. I don’t need unnecessary deaths here, especially not yours. You have to learn to control yourself! You’ve been here for years and you still can’t get that through your head!”</p>
<p>This sounded like Erwin was just repeating himself to Levi, which infuriated him that he would ignore his words. How dare he? Levi thought to himself, his vision tunneling with rage. “Control myself? I’m perfectly in control. I made the right call. You would do the same exact thing in my position, it’s simple math that saving my team was better than losing my team. You’ve lost your mind.” Levi paused to take a shaky breath before saying these next words, he wanted to make them count. With his voice slightly raised, he asked Erwin “What is your fucking problem? I know what I signed up for, I know what I risk. So why the hell do you care so much what I do with my life?”</p>
<p>And Erwin’s eyes were still burning into his, filled with that same harsh intensity that even Levi finds jarring. With his voice pitching even higher, he yelled back. </p>
<p>“IT’S BECAUSE I -” </p>
<p>Erwin cuts off, words leaving his mouth in such a deep breath that he is forced to draw in another to regain his composure. He glances at the floor suddenly, just for an instant, but it is a moment of hesitation that catches Levi off guard. The heat of the argument dissipates, and Levi is confused as to what had changed so suddenly. When Erwin looks back up, it’s with shock in his eyes. He stares wordlessly, then gives a slight, incredulous chuckle. When he finds his words again, he moves slowly, so as to avoid the carelessness that just gave him away a second ago. </p>
<p>“Levi,” he starts, still maintaining eye contact, although this time with an air of uncertainty. As if what he’s about to say is something he isn’t even sure of just yet. And when he speaks again, it’s with a tenderness that Levi has never heard from him before. “You mean… a lot to me. I don’t even know how to explain it to you. I’m sorry I-.” He paused for a moment, eyes still burning into Levi’s but mind lost in deep thought. “I just… never want to lose you.” Another pause. “I’ve seen so many people die, many of whom on my command. I know what death is, and I know that we pledge our lives away, but the thought of yours is unfathomable. I couldn’t live without you, Levi, I can’t. We’re more than the Survey Corps, more than this war, more than these walls. I know we are. I… think that… I…”</p>
<p>He trailed off a bit, thinking his words through yet again. His eyes were still trained on Levi’s but they had assumed the clouded expression he always gets when processing information. Levi himself was a bit lost as well. He heard Erwin’s words just fine, but they didn’t seem to have meaning. Just when Levi was catching up to the present, Erwin spoke again, and Levi lost all sense of reality.</p>
<p>“I’m in love with you, Levi. I’m sure of it.” </p>
<p>Silence, broken only by the sound of the quiet rain falling outside. Levi’s heart had stopped beating, he had stopped breathing, his blood roared in his ears but he barely noticed. All he could do was to keep staring into Erwin’s unwavering gaze. </p>
<p>“Oh.” He softly muttered, the only response he could think of. Before he could manage to steady his heart, to convince himself to take a breath, Erwin suddenly began to walk straight towards him. Slowly, at first, as he started just by taking a few short steps, almost as if establishing whether or not it was even safe to move. But he picked up his pace, and soon there was no space left between them and Levi could feel his breath on his forehead. The commander never seemed nervous in the face of battle, but as Levi took in Erwin's tall frame from this close up, he could see a slight amount of uncertainty in his eyes. Levi was still stuck in the moment, his mind forming no comprehensive thoughts, no words to say to address what was happening. He held Erwin’s gaze, the only thing he could do, the only thing that made any sense. Levi could feel Erwin’s fingers graze his.<br/>
The world still felt so false, there’s no way this was happening. It felt like years had gone by since Erwin had spoken those unreal words, though it must’ve been only seconds, and Levi finally understood that what he was feeling was nothing but joy. And in this silence, suddenly the world seemed to clear up around him. He thought back to that familiar feeling he would get during all those late nights he would pull with Erwin, when they would do paperwork together at the same desk. It had been such a confusing feeling, and Levi could never place where it was coming from, or what had caused it. But he knew. Now he understood why his insides would freeze every time Erwin grabbed his shoulder in passing, why he had always felt so drawn to Erwin’s quarters when there was no need for him to be there. He never knew it was there, but now that he could see it for what it was, he couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to get to this place.</p>
<p>Levi felt himself grab Erwin’s hand, more by instinct than by anything else, as he was still far away from his body, from the earth. Erwin raised their entwined fingers to his lips, and still holding eye contact, kissed them gingerly. Levi could feel the slightest twitch in his hand, but was too breath-taken by the soft sensation to move. He found himself pressed into the warmth of the commander’s chest in a tight embrace. He could feel the side of Erwin’s face on his neck, could feel the golden hair tickling his cheek, and suddenly he discovered the words he had been dying to say for years. </p>
<p>In a tone no louder than a whisper, Levi breathed out “I love you.” The embrace got tighter, and Levi pressed back with his own weight into Erwin’s. The closeness between them, and Erwin’s strong arms drawing him in. It felt like the rare kind of pure happiness he realized that he had only experienced once before, looking up into the sky for the first time as a young thief in the underworld. His face hidden in Erwin’s broad shoulder, Levi could feel himself break out into a smile thinking of how even after so much loss and heartbreak, he still had his commander right by his side. He still had his Erwin right by his side. He still had the strength that Erwin gave him, that unwavering hope for a better day, that unrelenting dream that never seemed to falter. Not moving away from his grasp, Levi lifted his arms up to grasp Erwin’s shoulders, and even through his shirt could feel the linear grooves left by years of ODM equipment use. Slipping his hands underneath, he ran his fingers down the scars, remnants of the unspeakable violence they both witnessed far too often. He thought of the burden that the commander must carry, and the words escaped his mouth without him even thinking about it. “You’re always so beautiful, Erwin.”</p>
<p>Levi couldn’t be sure of how long they stood there, basking in each other’s warmth and companionship. He could feel Erwin’s heartbeat, and rejoiced in its rhythm. He knew for certain he never wanted this feeling to end because for once, the world felt okay. Erwin pulled his face back to examine Levi’s, eyes darting up and down his face with care, then used one hand to touch his jaw. Emboldened by the touch, Levi brought his own hand to the back of Erwin’s neck and kissed him tenderly on the lips. Erwin kissed back with passion, and Levi felt a fire within his chest ignite. It all felt so right, so good. Erwin hummed in his throat, and Levi had never felt so alive. Driven by a deep hunger, they stood there savoring each other until it was too intense and Levi had to push his leg out to support himself. Unfortunately, it was the wrong leg; the pain that he had all but forgotten about came back at once. He kept his composure, the only sign of his agony being the soft breath he let out as a reflex. But it was enough for Erwin to notice. After one last kiss, Erwin pulled back, brought himself to Levi’s ear, and softly whispered to him. “Let me take care of you.”</p>
<p>At these words, Levi could feel the sharp pain that had been radiating through his body just moments ago fade into almost a dull ache. He would never have let anyone do this in the past, never. But this was Erwin. He knew that he was safe with Erwin. “Yes,” he breathed back to him.</p>
<p>The commander gently picked him up, taking extra care with the leg he knew was giving Levi the most trouble. Erwin must have seen the way he had been avoiding putting unnecessary weight on it, but Levi would never go so far as to limp. As he felt himself be lifted into the air, he thought about how strange it was that this felt so natural. He had no control over himself in Erwin’s arms, but the hand supporting his back felt so strong and sure that none of it even mattered. Stubbornness and pride melted away, and Levi found himself secure in his vulnerability. Erwin carried him to the bed in the side room to his office, and gingerly placed him right in the center. He filled a bowl with water from a basin and set it on the table next to the bed. Pulling his bandages and a silk towel from a nearby cabinet, Erwin redressed his wounds. Levi slumped against Erwin when he sat down, and Erwin cradled his face with his spare hand as he worked. Levi watched Erwin’s eyes peacefully, which were concentrated on the cuts on his face. Working with a tender care, Erwin worked his way down from the cuts on his face, to those on his neck, to those on his arms and his hands. When they were all dressed and treated, Erwin lingered his hand on Levi’s chest for a second, warm and steadying. Levi understood him to be asking permission to take his shirt off, and nodded his approval. </p>
<p>Slowly, Erwin lifted his arms and took one of the final pieces of privacy Levi had left, his last ounce of dignity, but he couldn’t care less. Erwin took in the sight of Levi for just a moment before getting to work. His worst cuts and deepest gashes were still bleeding, though thankfully only slightly. When Levi looked, he saw that they had stained his shirt, with dark red seeping through the cotton gray. With a twinge of disappointment, he knew that he would never be able to salvage it. As Levi turned his gaze back to Erwin’s dedicated face, he saw a hint of concern in the perpetually-stony eyes he had grown to be so fond of. He reached out to touch his face, but regretted it as soon as he lifted his arms, feeling a shot of pain from his ribs. Erwin closed the distance between them once again with another tender kiss, then began to wrap his chest in the bandages and dress the scratches that had turned a bright, inflammatory red. Levi wasn’t sure how long Erwin spent tending to him, but despite the pain, he found himself wishing it would never end. He basked in the closeness of Erwin, in his feathery touch, and in his relentlessly loving attention. I love you, he thought to himself, and felt warmth swell in his chest.  </p>
<p>After he had finished, Erwin quietly brushed through Levi’s hair with a comb, an unnecessary step but one he appreciated more than he could express. He felt cleaner knowing that the dried blood was completely removed from his body, and that he was presentable in the face of his lover. Erwin blew out the candles, took off his own uniform until he was in his undershirt, and climbed into bed next to Levi. “Thank you, Erwin,” Levi whispered in the dark. “I love you,” replied Erwin. “I love you and I’m so glad you can finally know.” Levi pulled Erwin’s arms around himself, drawing him in as if they should never be apart again.</p>
<p>Levi was feeling the rare pull of sleep that had usually evaded him the night after a mission. But lying here next to Erwin, the world felt so simple. What had taken him so long to do this? It didn’t matter anymore, nothing from before mattered. He was here, and so was Erwin, and they were together. Nothing had ever felt more right. </p>
<p>“Erwin.”</p>
<p>“Levi,” his commander answered. His name sounds like a symphony coming from Erwin’s mouth.</p>
<p>“We’re going to be alright.” Sleep was almost entirely overcoming him, but he pushed through it to reach his hand up to Erwin’s head. He stroked through his hair, marvelling at how soft it was, until he finally fell unconscious.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---------</p>
<p>When Levi woke up, Erwin wasn’t there. For a second, the whole thing felt like a dream, like some fantasy he had completely made up. But there he was, in Erwin’s messy bed, with the smell of Erwin still lingering on the pillow beside him. Looking through the window, he could tell that it was just past sunrise, and with a jolt of surprise realized he had slept through the whole night. And no bad dreams, either…</p>
<p>Levi borrowed one of Erwin’s shirts from the closet, oversized as it may have been, and redressed himself in his uniform, which was stacked neatly on the windowsill. With one final check in the mirror to fix his hair, Levi stepped out of the room and got back to the duties of everyday life in the Survey Corps. It was only after lunch that he saw Erwin for the first time since the night before. The hall they walked through was crowded, but as he passed, Erwin caught him. With his hand placed firmly over Levi’s chest, yet with eyes impassive, he asked him, “how are you feeling today?” </p>
<p>They held eye contact for a moment longer than usual, longer than any platonic greeting would require them to. Levi answered with the same casual tone, “better, Commander.” This time, he made sure that title held the respect it deserved when it left his mouth. Erwin’s face twitched into a polite smile. “Good,” he said, removing his hand from Levi’s chest and continuing on with his pace. Levi turned as he left, fighting the strange urge to follow him. </p>
<p>From that day on, Levi would look for any excuse to pull an all-nighter in Erwin’s room, using the guise of discussing strategy or finishing tedious paperwork. When they were alone in those late hours, they were free to be themselves, uninterrupted by the pressure to save humanity. They were Commander and Captain, but they were also Erwin and Levi, and they maintained the two in a precious dichotomy. Their love was a secret; it was always meant to be. They only gave each other their hearts behind the closed doors, as they understood that there is no place for love when fighting those horrible creatures, especially in light of the deaths of so many others. They loved each other for a long time, and anybody could see their connection and deep trust for one another. They knew it was inevitable that one of them would leave the other at some point, and vowed to each other that they would keep fighting, no matter what. Their love was deep, fleeting, and beautiful. Levi would think about that first night together for the rest of his days, knowing that what he had with Erwin was enough to last a lifetime, even if he didn’t. They had made a promise to find each other in whatever comes after death, and the thought of that alone was enough. Erwin would always live in his soul, no matter what; they were inseparable, and Levi knew it.</p>
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